Male Humility and Confidence (Part 2) and Interpersonal Relationships
(II) The Impact of Humility and Confidence on Career Success in Men: Some people often say, "This isn't good enough, that isn't good enough, my abilities in this area are lacking, and I'm far from meeting the requirements in that area..." If someone goes against this and dares to say, "I have this ability, I can do this well," then almost everyone will think that this person is "not humble, arrogant, overconfident, and conceited." (In the eyes of many comrades, confidence has become synonymous with arrogance and complacency.)
Why do we always say we're no good at this or that? The reason is that people's understanding of "humility" and "arrogance" is skewed. In some people's eyes, so-called humility is not the kind of relentless ambition in the face of success, but a humble attitude-both the incompetent and the capable must say they are worthless and useless, as if only in this way can they be considered normal and "progress". This narrow understanding has created individuals who try to belittle themselves to please others, like Uriah in *David Copperfield*, who constantly tells everyone, "I am a lowly person," or like Ah Q, who says, "Isn't it enough that I'm an insect!" In reality, such people often use excessive humility to seek fame and fortune; it's pretentious, a hypocritical way of dealing with the world. Some even use humble words to excuse their incompetence and shallowness. While saying they can't do this or that, they abandon their own efforts, letting their youth slip away in self-deprecating sighs. Therefore, if we tolerate or even promote this kind of "humility," society will not progress.
In achieving success in one's career, one must recognize one's shortcomings, never be complacent, and always strive for improvement, while also possessing ample self-confidence. Based on facing reality and making subjective efforts, one must dare to make realistic self-assessments and dare to make promises that will allow one's talents to be fully realized-promises that some may consider arrogant. Don't be afraid to utter a few boastful words like, "I can do it!" or "I am truly deserving!" With sufficient self-confidence, one will truly achieve something.
We must constantly remind ourselves to be confident, because confidence is a reflection of creative consciousness and a commendable quality. Confident people demonstrate complete self-trust, but more importantly, a belief in truth, which is why their steps forward always appear so firm. Some say, "Humility itself is respect for truth, and confidence is the pursuit of truth. Humility cannot be ambiguous, and confidence cannot be stubborn." If we measure ourselves by this standard, we should see that in our lives, truly confident men are not too many, but too few! Most of our young men are not overly confident, but rather deeply insecure. Therefore, how to inspire confidence in young men, so that they don't let their talents and youth be buried in "Zhuge Liang-style elegance," is an important aspect that young men should pay attention to.
Sherlock Holmes, a character created by Arthur Conan Erik Hodge, once said, "I do not approve of listing humility as a virtue, because a person should be what he is, and it is contrary to the truth to belittle or exaggerate his own abilities." Holmes went a bit too far with this statement. Humility should indeed be considered a virtue, but the first virtue in life is initiative. What virtue can a humble person who does not actively contribute to society possess?
Men's interpersonal relationships
Interpersonal relationships are one of the important means for people to achieve socialization. Whether or not one can handle interpersonal relationships well not only involves the issue of personal socialization, but also social cooperation, social harmony, and social progress and development.
The "relationship science" we are discussing today is different from malpractices. It does not teach how to use back channels, cultivate nepotism, or abuse power for personal gain. Rather, it refers to a newly emerging discipline: "interpersonal relations science."
Harmonious interpersonal relationships are also an important condition for mental health. Harmonious interpersonal relationships can satisfy a person's spiritual needs, generating positive self-affirmation, which is conducive to maintaining a pleasant mood. In harmonious interpersonal relationships, everyone can feel their own value to others and the significance of others to them. This is of great importance to mental health. We have all certainly had this experience: sometimes we feel restless and depressed, not because we have encountered any great setbacks, but simply because we haven't handled our interpersonal relationships well. As a result, we blame ourselves, feel anxious, and are restless, which is certainly detrimental to mental health.
Furthermore, harmonious interpersonal relationships can effectively promote intellectual development. In harmonious relationships, people feel comfortable, and their intellectual activities proceed smoothly. Extensive and harmonious interpersonal relationships also help people broaden their frame of reference, thereby expanding their horizons and minds. Especially in today's information age, the wider, deeper, and more harmonious one's interpersonal relationships, the more information one has, and the more conducive it is to expanding one's range of choices.
So, how exactly do we create a positive interpersonal environment? What are the impacts of interpersonal relationships on individual mental health and group behavior norms? How do interpersonal relationships affect work efficiency? What are the methods for measuring interpersonal relationships? What are the characteristics of interpersonal relationships? What are the techniques for adjusting interpersonal relationships? These are questions that not everyone may fully understand. Learning "Interpersonal Relationships" is about mastering these concepts. Interpersonal relationships also encompass many specific topics, such as how to handle superior-subordinate relationships; what to do if your subordinates are difficult to manage; what to do if your leader is a woman; how to communicate effectively; how to cultivate public relations; how to gain respect from others; and what image to project when appearing before various groups of people. These alone are enough to pique people's interest in this subject.
One's views on the world, life, and society influence their views on others, which in turn inevitably affect interpersonal relationships. Adopting the mindset that "others are hell" inevitably leads to suspicion, defensiveness, and even scheming in interpersonal relationships. However, if guided by the view that "others are oneself," then helping others, openness, and maximizing trust and understanding will naturally prevail in interpersonal relationships.
Interpersonal relationships are not business transactions. We should evoke love with love and trust with trust, but we cannot demand the same from others. Personally, we should evoke and reciprocate love and trust with even greater love and trust. In this respect, the Chinese proverb "a drop of water in need is repaid with a spring of water" has its merits. It fully embodies the excellent virtues of the Chinese nation: sincerity, emotional attachment, morality, and gratitude. However, this can only be applied to ourselves; it should never be applied to others. If we help or love others with the intention of expecting something in return, we are no different from emotional usurers, and such people are, in some ways, more despicable than those who are openly selfish. The spiritual torment inflicted by such emotional usurers is no less than the material torment inflicted by monetary usurers. The most typical example of this is the pair of "old and young hens" in Gorky's writing who lost their human dignity.
Because of the ten-year catastrophe, many young people now see society as a black hole. Before they even enter the world or interact with others, they are already trembling with fear, full of doubts, defensive, and even calculating, for fear of being deceived. While this may protect them from a few bad people, it also leads to the loss of more friends.
Human hearts are inherently sensitive, and emotions are positively correlated. If you interact with others based on suspicion and calculation, they will inevitably treat you the same way. How can normal interpersonal relationships possibly develop under such circumstances? While bad people certainly need to be guarded against, they are ultimately a minority. One shouldn't throw the baby out with the bathwater, nor should one distance oneself from friends simply to guard against a few bad individuals. More importantly, one shouldn't allow suspicion and calculation to corrupt one's soul in the name of protecting oneself from bad people.
Young people are prone to extremes. Therefore, in building good interpersonal relationships, two tendencies should be avoided: (1) striving for perfection and always desiring to establish a perfect interpersonal relationship; (2) blindly accepting the experiences of some adults and treating interpersonal relationships as a bridge to achieve all desires, thus trying every means to cultivate interpersonal relationships. The former is too perfectionistic and inevitably suffers from "the destruction of perfection." The latter is too worldly and inevitably suffers from "hypocrisy." Those who are too perfectionistic, after encountering setbacks in reality, often do not examine whether their subjective opinions have deviated from objective reality, but instead believe that it is all their fault, thus blaming themselves, becoming depressed, and feeling inferior. In severe cases, it can even develop into a sense of guilt.
Those who are overly conformist pursue good interpersonal relationships for personal gain, inevitably learning to be slick and hypocritical in their dealings. Over time, they completely lose themselves and become mediocre individuals who simply follow the crowd and are obsequious.
Two extremes, one consequence-neither is conducive to establishing normal interpersonal relationships.
Furthermore, it should be emphasized that true success cannot be achieved through interpersonal relationships. What truly great figure or hero in the world has achieved their success through cultivating connections? Good interpersonal relationships should be an inevitable result of our socialization, or a natural expression of our cultivated attitudes, and should never be a goal we deliberately pursue. Moreover, true success (success in life and in work) requires the courage and perseverance to "seclude oneself for ten years." Without a certain degree of "willingness to endure solitude," true greatness and depth are impossible. Therefore, we must break free from the mindset that success is impossible without interpersonal relationships, and ensure that good interpersonal relationships are a result, not a goal.
Gentlemen, to reduce troubles in work and life and to better establish yourselves in society, I suggest you learn some interpersonal skills and build positive relationships.